PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE VERY PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT DEPRESSION.
I think the end of Rats and More is approaching soon. My new job at Subway is actually the hardest job I've ever had..I've had 2 8hr days and a 9 hr day.. I've only worked 3 days.. It's extremely hard.
I am very depressed. Right now I cannot handle the blog. I don't know how many of you suffer with depression.. but for the ones that do.. Do you ever have times when you just lose it? I've been crying on/off for 2 hours..Plus some of yesterday.. I really just feel like a mess up sometimes.
I don't think I've ever gotten this personal with any of you.. But I've actually been committed (Not by choice) 2 times in the past.. I'm thinking about actually checking myself in this time.. I am so depressed. I really hate everything about my life. Another thing you don't know about me is that I used to cut myself. It's embarrassing to be seen because the scars are so bad. There was one time where I had actually planned on ending my life.. For real.. This was about 2 1/2 years ago. Me and Aaron were home alone.. Aaron was in the back of the house.. He came out.. Saw the knife.. fought me for it... During the struggle I sliced my hand open.. I got 9 stitches. I wound up in the "hospital" for a week and a half.. I've always been on heavy depression medicine. I have not taken any medication for 3 months. Why did I stop? I swear.. nobody believes me.. but the medicine burns me. Like an hour after taking the medicine my throat starts burning.. I'm so embarrassed.. But I just can't afford to go to the doctor. I can't afford to go to college. I just can't do anything!
Sometimes I just want to talk to someone who actually cares.. But nobody understands.. So whats the point?
I'm sorry everyone.. But I seriously hate myself. I can't do this anymore. If things change I'll let you know. But for now.. I just can't deal with it.. I'm sorry if I've let anyone down.. I really try.. but nobody gets me. It hurts when your misunderstood.