Sunday, November 6, 2011

To Anonymous..

Anonymous (I don't know who you are.. Since I had no other way of contacting you, I had no other choice to leave a post.. Because I need to clarify some things. (Anonymous - The person who commented on my post about the baby from yesterday.)

To everyone else reading, I'm sorry - But I have no other way to get in touch with her.

I haven't been dealing with depression - Which is why I stopped taking my medication. I'm not having any loss of control.. Obviously I had no way of knowing what was about to happen. I DID NOT cry in front of her, and I instantly got down on my knees, gave her a hug, and told her it was okay, and it was not her fault. I did not in ANY WAY show my emotions. I held them in like I always do, and I honestly feel that you shouldn't ASSUME.

It's rude to ASSUME that I went nuts and had a depression episode in front of the children. Because it DID NOT happen like that. I've been watching these kids since I was 15, and I love them like family.

I am extremely close with their mother.. I have scars from past depression episodes, and she knows what I've gone through. I'm not hiding anything from her, and I told her exactly what happened yesterday with the baby, before I left. As soon as I left their home (this was 10 minutes after the incident happened) I went home, started crying (who wouldn't cry!?) and because I have such a close relationship with a lot of my readers, I sat down and wrote a post. I don't know how your depression affects you, but it helps me to talk, or tell people how I'm feeling.

I don't know how long you've been following my blog.. But if you have been following for a while I'm sure you know that my grandpa passed away not long ago. This was my first loss since losing my grandfather, and it was really hard on me. I have been dealing with the loss of my grandpa.. He left peacefully, and I hold on to that fact. It keeps me strong.

Next time I feel like maybe you should email me. I value opinions, but I think it's rude to ASSUME things.

When I said "I Literally can't deal with anything right now" I definitely wasn't saying I wanted to die or anything. I was saying I can't deal with the loss of this baby.. Meaning it was extremely hard, and I didn't know how to handle to situation.. "I can't do this" meaning I can't blog right now... I can't do all of these things that I have on my plate..and are expected of me.

I hope this clarified more for you. I feel like I was being called a bad person, and I feel that I needed to defend myself.
I really hope you see this.


  1. i'm so proud of you, right now!!
    you are an amazing young woman and one i am honored to know and call my friend!

  2. pushed send too quickly.

    you, if folks would bother to read your blog, have handled the adversity in your life with grace, wit and courage and for someone to suggest otherwise is just effed up.

    by letting down your guard and sharing of yourself, may be giving someone else the courage to do the same. someone who would otherwise feel that they have no voice, or that their feelings are not valid.

    good on you girl!! good on you!

  3. I didn't get to read yesterdays entry until today, but I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Life is so unfair sometimes - there's no way you could have predicted what happened or allowed it to happen if you had realized it might, so you really shouldn't beat yourself up over it. Accidents happen, sometimes really sad ones. It's unfortunate that "anonymous" attacked you without knowing the facts.

  4. My pet peeve ... people that hide behind anonymous! Just sayin' ....

  5. You never have to defend yourself for ANYTHING girl! You are perfect and doing the very best you can with the resources you've got.

    Some people judge because they have something deep inside themselves and they want to just go around changing others--when it's really THEM they have to look at!

    You are amazing. And I think you know that because you stood up for yourself here <3 Good for you::

  6. Hopefully anonymous reads this posts and understands. You shouldn't have to explain to her, but I know getting things off my chest makes me feel better.

  7. Great response to her! Hope she reads it. You have overcome so much and have so much to be proud of in your life. What happened with the baby was a tragic accident, so unfortunate, and please don't let one reader keep you from using the blog to express yourself the way you have been.

  8. I am glad you stuck up for yourself. I read this yesterday and thought you handled everything well, considering. There is always going to be someone out there that just wants to be mean. Do not let your get to you.

  9. Amanda, there is no need to explain yourself about anything you write. (unless you want to of course) This is YOUR blog and we are all but guests when we visit you.

    Sometimes you get nice guests visiting sometimes not so nice. Sometimes guests come that wear masks (apparently) and some who visit often and know even if we disagree with you you dont have a huge problem because you know everyone has opinions.(ask you Grandma or Mom what opinions are like)

    You had something bad happen, you blogged... you have always worn your heart on your sleeve. You are honest, you're genuine and aren't afraid to show you are human.

    Keep blogging, and explain only when you feel you need to... although thinking about it.. I am not surprised you responded - you give everyone the courtesy of a response and thats one of the things we like about you.

  10. Amen to Ellen's comments! You have a lot of us out here ready to listen and support you! We care about you, respect your feelings and opinions, and cry for your pain, pray for your comfort! Keep strong sweetie, remember all people are different and look at things differently based on what their own personal experiences have been. I had a stressful weekend being misjudged for a choice I made and also because of something they were going through - wrong reasons to judge another. We all have tough moments and you have been having a year of them and bearing up very well - nothing wrong with a good cry! The tears actually help wash harmful chemicals out of our bodies, so don't regret that!