I Gave Up.

I think this may be the hardest to write out of all of the posts I've written so far.

It means so much to me, to see that you all see me as a strong woman, who can really take this all on.

I'm sorry if I've disappointed, or am disappointing anyone now, but I found a very close local friend to take them in. She lives on 5 acres of land, and has a great spacious  area. I've talked it through with her, and she is willing to take them in. I'm allowed to go over any time I want, and I will still be caring for them - Buying there food, litter and going over there a couple times a week to clean there cages.

I'll also be going over at least ever other day to change there water, and take care of them, play with them, and give them the love they deserve. The other days, she'll be caring for them - She's promised to give them lots of love for me.

This is a woman, I would trust my own life with. She was one of my grandpa's best friends, and she is one of mine, and my families as well.

Luckily my friend has many more years than I do of experience with all types of animals, from rats, farm animals, cats and many other breeds of animals. I know taking them to her, besides keeping them with me, was the absolute best thing I could do for them.

I don't have the strength to fight this battle. We are okay with our financial situation, but when I think of lawyers, I think of paying thousands and thousands of dollars. While we do have some money, it's not like we have thousands and thousands of dollars to put into something, that I might not even win.

I'm not an emotionally strong person. I've spent almost an entire year without my medicine, but is with sadness that I am saying I am going to call my Psychiatrist, to  talk this through with him, and also get re-medicated.

 I've had suicidal thoughts all day today and yesterday, and I'm embarrassed to be admitting it - I wish I was the strong person you all think I am; But I'm not. I feel like a robot - I have one thing on my mind, and that's it. I can't keep it together right now. Maybe after I am stronger, I can go and possibly talk to the board members, and have them change there minds. If not, they'll be staying with my friend indefinitely.

Like I said, I can still see them anytime I want, and I promise I'll take pictures of them sometimes when I go over there, so you can all see them too.

This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, and I just don't feel like I have any other options.

Thank you all for baring through this with me. It's been the most emotional roller coaster ride of my life - And I can't even describe how I'm feeling. I feel like a failure, and a let down, and I know I am going to be emotionally drained today, and probably for the rest of the week.

But because I am on a schedule, I still have to bare through it, and get some reviews up. I'll try to keep them happy, and positive, like normal, I promise.

I love you guys, and thank you for being here for me.