Saturday, October 6, 2012

I Gave Up.

I think this may be the hardest to write out of all of the posts I've written so far.

It means so much to me, to see that you all see me as a strong woman, who can really take this all on.

I'm sorry if I've disappointed, or am disappointing anyone now, but I found a very close local friend to take them in. She lives on 5 acres of land, and has a great spacious  area. I've talked it through with her, and she is willing to take them in. I'm allowed to go over any time I want, and I will still be caring for them - Buying there food, litter and going over there a couple times a week to clean there cages.

I'll also be going over at least ever other day to change there water, and take care of them, play with them, and give them the love they deserve. The other days, she'll be caring for them - She's promised to give them lots of love for me.

This is a woman, I would trust my own life with. She was one of my grandpa's best friends, and she is one of mine, and my families as well.

Luckily my friend has many more years than I do of experience with all types of animals, from rats, farm animals, cats and many other breeds of animals. I know taking them to her, besides keeping them with me, was the absolute best thing I could do for them.

I don't have the strength to fight this battle. We are okay with our financial situation, but when I think of lawyers, I think of paying thousands and thousands of dollars. While we do have some money, it's not like we have thousands and thousands of dollars to put into something, that I might not even win.

I'm not an emotionally strong person. I've spent almost an entire year without my medicine, but is with sadness that I am saying I am going to call my Psychiatrist, to  talk this through with him, and also get re-medicated.

 I've had suicidal thoughts all day today and yesterday, and I'm embarrassed to be admitting it - I wish I was the strong person you all think I am; But I'm not. I feel like a robot - I have one thing on my mind, and that's it. I can't keep it together right now. Maybe after I am stronger, I can go and possibly talk to the board members, and have them change there minds. If not, they'll be staying with my friend indefinitely.

Like I said, I can still see them anytime I want, and I promise I'll take pictures of them sometimes when I go over there, so you can all see them too.

This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, and I just don't feel like I have any other options.

Thank you all for baring through this with me. It's been the most emotional roller coaster ride of my life - And I can't even describe how I'm feeling. I feel like a failure, and a let down, and I know I am going to be emotionally drained today, and probably for the rest of the week.

But because I am on a schedule, I still have to bare through it, and get some reviews up. I'll try to keep them happy, and positive, like normal, I promise.

I love you guys, and thank you for being here for me.


  1. *hugs tight*

    The worst thing about this is you are being strong you just cannot see it at the moment.

    I wish more than anything you could keep your rats with you, but at least you will still have all access to them you wish.

    One day I hope they can be returned to you where they belong.

    You are a strong person - just because you're down at the moment that doesn't take your strength in anything away. Try and think what you would say to someone if it was the other way around and then apply it yourself as remember you are the same you deserve the same respect from yourself.


  2. I was going to ask if you couldn't get the police dept out to your community and have them "talk" with the president of the board and get them to back down. Can they legally come into your house to see what kind of pets you have? I would think not, since they are just civilians and not police. Can you sneek your rats back into your house and keep them out of sight of prying eyes?
    Put up no trespassing signs. Pretend to leave the house, but stay there, take pictures of those who enter your property. File police charges on them.
    Don't let these bullies win!

  3. Amanda,

    I'm so very sorry for your pain and that this is the route that you felt you needed to take. As someone who fights depression and suicidal thoughts on a near daily basis, I know how even one time thinking of ending things can make an already painful situation seem hopeless. I'm going to be keeping you, and your little ones, in my thoughts, and I'll try and post some pictures of our furry friends (both ratties and catties) to make you smile from time to time. I don't pretend to know you or your health needs, but I hope that calling your doctor and telling him will get you what you need to make it one day at a time.

  4. you DO are stronger dear, knowing which battles we can fight is strength, doing what it's best for them at the moment is strength . you are not failing them by taking care of them , you trust this woman so it's good you are not throwing them away and they are intelligent so i'm sure they will understand

    you are sad and it's perfectly normal but don't feel bad for other's actions.

    take care

  5. Don't apologize for needing help. We all do. It takes a strong person to do the things you are doing so don't doubt yourself. We all know you love your rats and it shows. You are trying to do what is best in a situation beyond your control. You are taking care of them. Now, you need to take care of yourself too. It's not wrong to call in a psychiatrist. We all need help. There is nothing wrong for taking medication for depression. It's just like taking medication for any other illness. Give yourself a break and some time. Take it one day, one minute, one step, one breath at a time. Maybe the next time you think of your rats you will smile. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sure you are in many others.

  6. Hon, I really feel for you. How horrible it is that this HOA if forcing you back on medication when it was your rats that kept your spirits uplifted!

  7. It doesn't mean you aren't strong because you need or ask for help. It is a strong person that recognizes when they do need help and gets it. You couldn't possibly be a disappointment to any of us. You are an inspiration. My daughter who has emotional problems and also has pet rats has drawn strength from reading about your life and seeing that you blog, travel, live and love. She loves seeing that there is someone else out there who loves rats and realizes they make amazing pets. I am so sorry that you were put in this position by some know nothing jerks in your neighborhood. I think you have found a good solution to your problem and I am grateful that you have such a good friend to help you. Be sure to keep your appointment with your psychiatrist- taking care of yourself is the number #1 priority and just like when you have a broken bone or a sinus infection your condition is not caused by being weak. You are a wonderful person and I hope you are feeling better soon.

  8. HOA are awful! Every pet store (from the chain ones to the local mom and pop ones) where I live sell pet mice, rats, gerbils, hamsters etc.

    Im glad you have a family friend to help you out! Maybe the board will have a change of heart soon.

    My parents don't live in a gated community but they have one neighbor who is always in everyones business. He is always outside watching what everyone was doing, who is coming and going, seeing who parks where.

  9. I am so sick right now...literally sick to my stomach. I can't imagine going thru this. I am overjoyed to hear that a friend is helping you out, but it never should have come to this. HOAs are just dumb. Its like they have nothing better to do with their time and money than to harass people over stuff like this while other things that need attention in the neighborhood go undone. I am just so sorry about all of this and I hope that eventually you are able to get the legal help you need probono and your fur babies back home where they belong.